Gay Dating Conversations
I have been dating men for almost 10 years of my 26 year existence and I have grown quite frustrated with the experience at times. In the gay community, it seems that there is this stigma that we are oversexed and don’t offer each other any real value outside of a good twirl on the dick. However, there is a pool of us who are constantly looking to break the mold of conventional gay dating and showcase that there is a sensible and authentic gay dating experience.
Granted, I am a very sexual being just like many adults—I work in adult entertainment after all—and I don’t understand the fascination with always using sex as an entry to conversation. Dating apps are all the rave these days, but I can’t tell you the amount of unsolicited dick pics (that I still screenshot), conversations that start with ‘top or bottom?’, and discussions that go from simple greetings to an invitation to come over for some dick or head that come through my inbox. I’m not a stranger to a hookup, nor am I against going on a date with someone who is offering to take me out, but I don’t need my sex as a constant table piece because there are multiple facets to my persona. I have an immense amount to offer someone I allow to romantically enter my space aside from mind-blowing sex and soul-snatching head. I’m an intellectual. I’m an avid reader. I have many ideas that could benefit so many. But how do you experience that when you are off top concerned with sex and never engaging the deeper man? Is your sex truly fulfilling if you don’t tap into that?
I’ve been working in the marketing area of a live sex cam company for almost a year, and one thing that I find amazing is that people are genuinely seeking connections with many of the gay cam models. We are human and communication is one of the most critical aspects of growth and development, not only personally, but in interpersonal relations as well. Taking the time to engage someone in areas that matter are important. In doing this, you will also find that your attraction to a person is only skin deep, and the parts of them you uncover are not as appealing. Many people are empty shells, but it’s only through asking the right questions and having fundamental conversation do you pull the mask off their act. Below are some areas you can find conversation starters to dive deeper into who a person is for those of us who struggle with making conversation that matters.
We all come from somewhere. The base of understanding someone’s frame of reference is to understand where they come from. Asking someone about their hometown paints a picture of their sense of community and how close knit of an environment they may/may not have had. Family dynamics are important also as they help pain the picture of how they value family, especially in regard to their relationship with family members. Questions like “How many siblings do you have? Do you talk to them? Are your parents living? Are they married?” can immensely paint a vivid picture of a person’s background. I like to ask about favorite memories of home because this will draw what details they pay attention to from a larger picture. Our upbringing and the traumas/joys we take from it are key in the people we are. Find out if that man has some unresolved daddy issues that you don’t want to deal with. Next thing you know you’ll be in a live sex cam room doing private shows crying to a gay cams model about the unloading he did on you– and not the fun late night kind of unloading either!
I am an educated young man and try my best to date guys with a higher level of intellectual composite. Questions surrounding level of education and field of study also showcase the qualities of a person. Where did you go to school? Did you go to college? What did you study? Are you working in your field? Did you work during college? Ever model on live gay cam to pay for books? (You never know!) Do note, however, that someone being college educated does not grant them common sense and doesn’t mean they are smart outside of a specific skill—had to throw that in there. It’s also a great segue into asking about his profession, career goals, heights reached, accomplishments achieved, and his plans to further career/education. These are attributes that can make or break a conversation and can shed light on how well their shit is together.
This is where your own feelings matter. Some of us don’t want to know anything about the person’s past because, like Jay-Z said, “it ain’t where I been, but where I’m about to go.” Though this sounds great, too often shit from the past makes its way to our present. Asking about a previous relationship or if they recognize a pattern in how their relationships end could be key in piecing together signs that you may need to abort the relationship. This is the time that you can assess a person’s angle in pursuing relations with you. Asking their intentions, relationship goals, and current dating status is the best way to gauge the level of seriousness this person presents. It is quite interesting in the world of gay relationships just how many avenues and dynamics can be involved. It is important to understand the role your potential partner wants to have in the relationship. Is he dominant, submissive, both? Does he have plans on being affectionate, or is he stern and reluctant to reciprocate the affection and adoration you bestow upon him? Long term goals are, too, an intricate aspect of dating. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Where do you want your next relationship to end up? Do you believe in monogamy?
We all have a personal life that revolves around friends, clubs, volunteer service, etc. An awesome way to discover the social aspects of a person is to find out what they do in their spare time, and with who. Questions surrounding volunteer experience and social groups/clubs they may be a part of are key to finding out what they are passionate about. If you plan on dating someone, you should be sure that your idea of a good time is somewhere on their list of ‘fun things to do’. It is also great to assess the quality of their circle of friends. Religion is also another topic that I feel should be discussed by people who are dating because it can cause a ripple in communication and how we maneuver. I’m not a religious person, but have talked to people who were religious in the past… it usually doesn’t work out in case you were wondering. It’s important to know that you’re on the same page with a person, and if you aren’t, are you willing to remain in a situation where you may combat things you don’t align with or don’t want to deal with normally. Conversations of this magnitude can be scary, but maybe you can run your pitch by a live sex cam model who is constantly waiting to listen.
Either way, you gotta do what you gotta do… Ask the important questions or regret it later when you’ve invested your time and feelings into someone who was never prepared to give you what you needed anyway. Enhancing the levels of your conversations can be very important. Getting to know someone isn’t the easiest thing in the world and it takes some time to really pinpoint if a person you are with is truly in it to win it. Remember, people can say anything, but make sure that their actions are aligned with the words they speak. On your next date try and slip in some of these conversation starters and let me know what you find out about a person… And if all else fails, you could still fuck them and not call them back if you’re not interested in the total person. A little dick ain’t never hurt nobody, right?