Sex is Great… Until it isn’t: A Tale of Bad Sex

mean girls hiding GIFFor weeks I had been dodging and avoiding Marlon who has been practically begging to take me for a date and a trip to his bedroom. Though he was handsome, his vibe was weird and his conversation didn’t do much to compel me to undress—his chances of fucking me were bleak and he knew it. One day, however, I happened to be in his neighborhood when he called me. I should have sent him to voicemail, but I was hungry and knew that he’d be thirsty enough to take me to dinner.

What? Have you not dated for dinner before?!

He asked what I was doing and I told him I was getting ready to figure out dinner and he offered to take me to a Jamaican spot that he loves and frequents (sink, line, and reel! I didn’t even have to ask!) I told him to pick me up (which I normally drive myself so I can leave at will) and we would do dinner.


We pull up to the Jamaican spot where he finally takes his hands off of my thighs where they’d been the entire ride. We sit at the table and order while I listen to him compliment me on how nice my afro looks this evening, how soft my skin feels, and how kissable my lips are. I smile and grin in flattery, and compliment him on his nice smile. The entire time we ate he kept telling me all the nasty things he wanted to do to me… I was intrigued. For months I’d been dodging Marlon and avoiding his invitations to hang out. He just didn’t do it for me, but I was going against my gut for this one and agreed to let him have me.


partition GIFWe leave the restaurant without getting the bill—Marlon threw a $100 bill on the table and we rushed out. It definitely looked like we ran out. As we drove off he kept grunting and licking his lips while grabbing my thighs and chest asking me if I was ready for Daddy. When I hear a man refer to himself as Daddy it paints this dominating image of him climbing my back to the peak of my love mountain and placing his flag at the top to prove he conquered. He was right though—I was ready for Daddy. My briefs were soaked in precum from the excitement of his large strapping hands groping me and flicking my nipples. I was surprised at how turned on Marlon’s lame ass had me, but I’m convinced I was moreso turned on by his attraction to me.


He pulls over his BMW and looks me in my eyes proclaiming how he can’t wait another 20 minutes to fuck me because he has to have me now. His yearning desire to plunge deep into my love completely turned off the valves to my common sense and I immediately begin undressing. We climb into his backseat as cars pass us by. The evening sky draped behind us created an ambiance that made it feel as though the heavens had given us an all access pass to the love we were about to share for a moment.

fox tv love GIF by Empire FOXMarlon aggressively sits me up and pushes my back against the door. He licks my nipples and pinches the one his mouth can’t reach each time he goes between the two. I let a moan escape from my lips as he kisses me and rushes his tongue into my mouth while drawing my head closer. I rip every last button off of his Ralph Lauren button down and I slide his shirt off his shoulders. I can feel him wrestling off his belt and pants. My dick throbs in anticipation for the sex that is about to happen in this car (which I swore I wouldn’t have after undergrad, but there I was.)

happy jonny cruz GIF by Hyper RPGIn one swift motion he spins me around and lifts my waist mid-air exposing my sweet spot to his mouth. He tastes me as deep as his lips and tongue would take me and I feel my eyes roll to the back of my head. Marlon’s tongue was lashing my ass like a criminal in a foreign country and I couldn’t help but scratch the back of his head in approval. Marlon kept asking me “to open up for daddy” and reassuring me that if I was “good to Daddy, Daddy would be good to me.” I’m like fuck this slide your dick inside me, but I have manners and knew that I must suck before I fuck.


webcam pornMarlon lies back on the seat and pulls his boxers down. I stare him in his eyes as he does this not paying attention to his member one bit. I take my hand and place it on his penis to find out that I have more hand than he has dick.

I’ve been bamboozled! Tricked! Fooled! BETRAYED! For weeks this man has begged me to let him show me a good time, let him be good to me, and let him replace the ‘lames’ in my life. Little did I know there was no good time, he couldn’t be good to me, and he was indeed another lame added to my life.


confused ice cube GIFI freeze for a moment not sure how to react. Marlon’s dick was about as long as a full string bean and girthy as a kindergarten pencil with an upward curve that just made it worse… It was a damn curly fry! All secretions heading south for me were stopped, but we were too far gone and I couldn’t stand the thought of having Mini-Marlon tell people I was scared or lame and I didn’t want to have this conversation with him about how his small dick was a big joke.


car love GIFHe looked at me for a moment as I looked at his pencil dick not sure how to suck it. He grabs my head as a way to signal he was ready for head. It was so pathetic feeling his dick glide across my tongue and I felt I couldn’t grip it. I took my tongue and cupped it around his shaft using it as a replacement for my lower jaw. He moaned at that point and assured me I was making daddy feel good. Hearing him refer to himself as daddy at this point was a turn off and I wasn’t pleased (notice the D is no longer capitalized in daddy.) He pulled his dick from my mouth and leaned me back against the car door to insert himself in me missionary style.


wild n out no GIF by IdentityI now have an idea of how uncomfortable a pap smear must be (minus the cold utensils) by the way he jammed his pencil dick inside of me. You’d think this would be easy to deal with, but, no, the shit felt like a needle had been jammed into my pubic region (not enough dick to reach pelvic.) As soon as he entered me he began pumping in and out of me as quickly as jackrabbits breeding in the wild. He asked me “how daddy felt?”, “was daddy too much for me?”, and, my favorite, “you gonna yell for daddy?!” The sharp pains from his curved thin dick jamming in and out of me were more than enough for me to stop him.


confused parks and recreation GIFAs I stopped his assault on my body I told him that he had to slow down his stroke and ease his way through… not because I couldn’t handle it, but my body couldn’t figure out how it was supposed to latch on to this weird, pathetic dick. At this point, he pushed himself all the way in me and pulled almost completely out about 6 times before he came (keeping in mind there isn’t much room to do this without slipping out of me.) I am so glad that his eyes closed when he climaxed because I couldn’t hide the disgust I felt as he shook and squirmed the last of his orgasm all over my stomach and thighs.


sad andre johnson GIF

I felt like I could cry afterwards while he seemed to have just taken a ride around the pleasure express. I put on my clothes so quick to get out of the car to head to my car that I forgot that didn’t drive. I was left having to sit in the car with this man who had just given me the worst 10 minutes of my life.



come on eye roll GIF by NBAI am appreciative of Marlon for teaching me one lesson, however. Marlon’s dick was sent from the sex gods to remind me that good dick never has to be pumped up or sold. It’s given as is with no warranty because the confidence in the product is silent. The next time I saw Marlon I didn’t speak, and neither did he. I believe that he knew our encounter was one-sided pleasure and awkward. Maybe he got what he wanted and I was now useless… Either way I was A-OK with it! The silver lining in all of it, I suppose, is that I don’t have to keep dodging Marlon anymore! Now that I’ve had the worst sex out there, I can only go up from here… I hope.

Kris Welcome

Kris Welcome

Kris Welcome is a writer based in Los Angeles, CA. Currently, he serves as a copywriter where he manages several blogs, including Pics Of Men, Gay Hub, and Big Cam Tube. Kris is from Texas and has lived in California since 2014. Mr. Welcome has been a writer as long as he can remember and has worked to derive a writing style that's versatile and rounded, but still reflective of one voice. Kris has a BA in Communication with minor concentration in journalism from Texas Southern University and a MFA in Producing for TV/Film from New York Film Academy-Burbank. He has written for The Voice of Southwest Louisiana, BallerAlert, and Curb Networks, among others. Soul food enthusiast. Southern gentleman. Beach bum. Pisces. Guy with the Afro.

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