Resist the Dick Pic: 4 Tips for Better DM Diving
By: Kris Welcome
Winter is swiftly approaching and the fireplace will be a lonely place if you don’t find a bae before Thanksgiving season! We all aim to be someone’s cuff to hold us out until Valentine’s Day, at least, so we can enjoy the companionship the holidays drive us to long for. The social media gods that be must have had this season in mind when they blessed us with the sacred DM! Now you don’t have to creep back two years to sneakily say hey on Instagram, or send a Poke via FaceBook (wtf is a poke anyway?) Though this tool can be genius, it can also be a chaotic performance of bullshit and treachery in epic proportions. Here are 4 ways to ensure it goes down in the DM and not up, up, and away.
Treat Him Like Hot Tea
It can be soooo tempting to go in for the kill and not establish any rapport when you’re trying to woozy your way from DM to text messages, but you have to pace it out, my friend. This is not the time to start with anything sexual (unless you’re on Jack’d/Grindr/Growlr and it’s understood that’s your partners overall goal.) Wait for text message privilege and permission before you lead in with a dick pick—I know this is hard, boys, but trust me. Though we may all have a soft place for the D we don’t want to open up random dick pics! What if we’re with our boss or our parents? It’s just common courtesy and decency. Think of it as hot tea whereas you don’t want to drink too fast, because the burn will be intense!
Not everyone has their notifications turned on to notify them as soon as you contact them. Even if they do, it’s not guaranteed that they can get back to you as quickly as you may like. DO NOT bombard them with 10 messages back to back! Destiny’s Child addressed this perfectly in Bug-A-Boo 20 years ago, and though pagers don’t exist anymore, the principles they sing about yet live on. We totally feel you on the burning desire to talk to the person you have been building up the courage to DM for weeks, and now that you’ve done it you feel rejected, and maybe even foolish. Don’t add looking stupid to the list by flipping out or ‘forcing’ a conversation.
No one wants to deal with someone overly attached from the jump as this is sign of a potential clingy partner. Clinginess can be annoying and lead to the wasting of each other’s time. Don’t let your trip to the DM add you to ‘the list’—we all know the infamous block list is real and always taking new members. If they don’t fit your needs, and vice versa, keep calm and carry on, please.
Fake It Til You Make It
We don’t want to spend our time with someone uninteresting or flat out boring. Some people are introverts, and that is fine, but you must show that you are more than a profile of photos and statuses that are typically catered to painting a façade for your social media peers. Cracking a joke, searching for similar interests and experiences to discuss from their page, and even a simple and kind, “Good afternoon! What are you up to?” are great places to start your journey from stranger to acquaintance. This is where you have to fake it til you make it! It’s giving more when you when you want to give less. It’s trying to be funny when you’re about as exciting as plain Lay’s. Not all of us have it together, and sometimes we have to make shit sound good for the time being just to get us in the door… Do be advised that you can’t fake it for long, so don’t make yourself sound like a Bill Gates prodigy when you’re probably just Joe Blow from down the street– nothing more, nothing less.
You must be careful in showcasing your personality that you don’t come off too strong. The art of lurking can be beneficial here. Lurking is when you ultimately ‘stalk’ someone’s profile to get a pretty good gauge of their likes and personality. This will help you figure if they can appreciate your sense of humor or will they find it obnoxious and brush you off. This step can be the point you realize you actually don’t even want to slide into those DM’s anymore and look into messaging their cuter tagged friend in a photo.
Either way, you want to make sure your first impression is light, memorable, and stands out in some regard. If you are jumping in the DM’s then it’s best to believe someone else is shooting their shot, too. You want to make sure you don’t get left with a read response devoid of a reply. Don’t let yourself experience this rejection when you bring so much to the DM! Show them what they’re missing out on by being one of a kind.
Lurk For Conversation Ideas (non-creep style)
I can’t tell you how many prospects have jumped into the sea of my DM’s with the potential to catch the life raft, but missed it with poor conversational skills. Whether we are talking about our weekend plans, educational backgrounds, favorite restaurants or sexual positions that make us cum—we must be able to have some type of conversation that flows organically and is engaging. I have a lot of personality so it’s easy to guide a conversation wherever I’d like, but we all aren’t as gifted.
If you have a problem understanding what it takes to have conversation that makes someone desire speaking to you then you should assess what topics can you talk about at length with enthusiasm, what are some similarities in your DM host’s life and yours that would make for good conversation, or even starting the conversation asking questions that lead to amazing follow up discussions are key. You must engage your prospective partner in stimulating and enthralling conversation that will encourage them to want further communication with you.
When was the last time you had a date? Now think about the last time you had a 2nd date… If there are rare instances of second dates and you’ve been interested in pursuing one then you should assess the things you are talking about. In a generation that is so focused on the devices in their hands, the ability to carry a conversation is a stupendous attribute for the millennial to have—even in a DM age.
Move to Text with Caution
One of the hardest aspects of flowing from DM diving to text buddies is knowing when to swap personal information. You thought feeling someone out face-to-face was hard, well digital conversation is a totally different beast that can cause much anxiety for many of us at one point or another. Are they feeling me? Am I just a social media friend stepping out of my lane? Will they ask me for my number first?! The mental anguish of online communication isn’t as simple as we thought when we first encountered MySpace so many years ago.
There are signs that you can proceed with moving to the next phase of your digital romance. If you two are having a constant back and forth that isn’t forced and feels organic, they’re driving the conversation when you seem to be dropping it, or there seems to be flirty clues that your trip to the DM wasn’t in vain can all mean you have the green light to separate social media, AKA your middle man, from the equation.
Just because you have graduated from DM to text messages DOES NOT mean you should forget the etiquette surrounding sending dick pics and sexual offers that are completely left field. You aren’t off of probation until a conversation is had about what the both of you are expecting from this budding DM romance. Once you have the full disclosure that they’re down for your sexual advances and Netflix and chill invites then the coast is clear and you have won…. I’d still hold off on the unwarranted dick pics because that can find you on the block list fast af.
BONUS TIP: Be Cool!
It’s perfectly understandable if DM diving makes you nervous… I mean we are indeed only one screenshot away from having our game exposed. This is why shooting your best shot counts and if you’re afraid to go hard then you shouldn’t leave home in the first place. You have to make the ultimate decision if you want to stay a lurking liker or a daring DM diver. The choice can lead to a burn or the beginning of a happily ever after… At the very least it’s the beginning of a few fun dates and a couple hook ups!